Real Tools for Real Life
Self-care strategies for the ups, downs, and everything in between.
Stress Basics
Stress looks different for everyone. What feels overwhelming to one person might feel exciting or manageable to another. That’s completely normal. What matters most is tuning in to how you experience stress and learning what helps you feel supported when things get tough.
Signs of Stress
Stress can show up in all kinds of ways. For some, it might lead to physical symptoms like headaches, muscle tension, or difficulty sleeping. Others might feel more irritable or anxious than usual. You might notice yourself procrastinating, avoiding responsibilities, or pulling away from friends.
There’s no one “right” way that stress looks. That’s why it’s so important to recognize your own signs and respond with care.
Causes of Stress
It’s easy to link stress with life’s hard moments. Think midterms, conflict with a friend, or pressure at work or school. But stress doesn’t only come from negative situations. Positive changes, like starting a new semester, landing a job, or getting a new roommate, can also bring challenges. Big adventures often come with big adjustments.
What’s stressful today may be different from what's stressful tomorrow, but at the core, stress has the same basic ingredients for everyone:
- The demands placed on us
- The resources we have to meet those demands
- How we perceive both the demands and our ability to handle them
These three elements interact in unique ways for each of us. The more we understand how they play out in our lives, the more we can take steps to manage stress in a way that works for us.
Managing Stress
There’s no one-size-fits-all approach to managing stress. The best strategies are the ones that work for you. Here are some ideas to get you started:
Adjust the demands:
- Use time management strategies
- Break tasks into smaller, manageable steps
- Set healthy boundaries and say “no” when you need to
Strengthen your resources:
- Prioritize sleep and nourish your body
- Move regularly: walk, stretch, or dance it out
- Make space for rest, fun, and social connection
Shift Your Perspective:
- Practice positive self-talk
- Try deep breathing or grounding activities
- Remind yourself: you always have a choice in how you respond
Adjust Your Resources with Energy Givers & Energy Takers
During stressful times, it can feel like there’s no time for self-care, but taking care of ourselves is one of the most effective things you can do. Self-care boosts your internal resources - think energy, patience, creativity. When you invest time in things like rest, connection, or movement, you have a greater capacity to handle whatever's on your plate.
A great place to start is by noticing what fills you up and what wears you down. These are your energy givers and energy takers.
- Energy givers: people, activities, and habits that restore your energy and help you feel grounded.
- Energy takers: drain your focus, mood, or motivation—especially when they build up over time.
By paying attention to how these show up in your life, you can make intentional choices that protect your energy and boost your capacity to navigate challenging situations.
Shift Your Perspective
How we see a situation impacts how we respond to it and how stressful it feels. The story we tell ourselves can either limit our options or help us move forward. When we view something as impossible, get stuck in frustration, or are afraid of mistakes, it’s easy to shut down or avoid the challenge. But when we see the same situation as manageable and mistakes as part of the process, we give ourselves more helpful choices.
That’s why adjusting your perspective is a huge part of managing stress, especially when you can't change the situation itself. The best part? You have the power to shift your perspective, even if its subtle. Practices like deep breathing, mindfulness, and positive self-talk can help you see things differently and keep a solution-focused mindset. These tools build on each other, can be used anywhere, and become easier with regular practice. Try a few and see what feels right for you.
Breathing
When you take a moment to pause and breathe, you’re literally giving the situation some breathing room. That space helps you collect yourself, calm your body, and reset before reacting. With a calmer body and clearer mind, it becomes easier to see things differently and respond more thoughtfully.
Here’s an easy way to try it:
- Breathe in slowly through your nose, like you’re smelling a flower
- Breathe out gently through your mouth, like you’re blowing out candles
- Aim for a slightly longer exhale than inhale to help your body relax
- Optional: Place one hand on your heart and one on your belly as you breathe to help release oxytocin, your body’s natural soothing hormone
Grounding
Grounding builds on breathing by tuning into your senses or doing a comforting, familiar action while you breathe. Grounding is especially helpful when stress feels overwhelming or your thoughts are racing. It sends a signal to your body that you’re safe, and when your body begins to settle, your perspective often shifts too. You can see the situation more clearly and respond a constructive way.
Here are a few simple grounding techniques you can try:
- 54321: Name 5 things you can see, 4 you can feel, 3 you can hear, 2 you can smell, and 1 you can taste
- Find comfort: Hold a comforting object like a warm mug, a soft blanket, or a smooth stone
- Feel the floor: Place your feet firmly on the ground and gently press them into the floor while you breathe
- Focus on your body: Splash cold water on your face or hold something cool to bring your attention back to your body
Mindfulness
Mindfulness is another layer you can add to breathing and grounding by training your mind to return to the present moment again and again.
Mindfulness doesn't require a clear mind. It's all about noticing what’s happening inside and around you with curiosity, not judgment. That includes your thoughts, feelings, physical sensations, and even distractions. During stressful times, or anytime, you can practice mindfulness by breathing, focusing on a sensation or action (like walking or washing your hands), and gently noticing when your attention drifts. Drifting is part of the process. Noticing when you've drifted and bringing your mind back is how mindfulness builds mental strength.
Mindfulness Is...
- Noticing what's going on in your mind and body and letting it move through
- Choosing to be present moment-to-moment anytime, any place
- Non-prescriptive
- Judgement-free
- Ongoing practice
- Curiosity and compassion for yourself
- For everyone
Mindfulness Is Not...
- Having a "clear" mind
- Time Consuming
- Formal
- Judging your thoughts or feelings
- Prescriptive
- Something to be perfected
- Analyzing thoughts or feelings
- For certain types of people
Tips for Practicing Mindfulness
- Use everyday moments to practice: walking to class, eating, or doing chores.
- Focus on your senses. Notice sounds, smells, textures, or movement.
- When your mind wanders, gently return back to your senses. Each time you practice, builds mental strength.
- Breathe through stressful thoughts.
- Use imagery. Picture thoughts as clouds, leaves, or raindrops drifting by.
- Try a tactile tool like a worry stone, rubber band, or fidget toy to stay present.
- Keep it short. Even one mindful minute makes a difference.
- There's no wrong way to do it. If it felt hard or your mind wandered, you did it!
Self-Talk
As you practice breathing, grounding, and mindfulness, you’ll probably start to notice the little voice in your head more often. That voice is called self-talk: the thoughts you have about yourself and the situation you’re in.
Sometimes it's helpful ("I've got this"), and sometimes, its critical ("I'll never get this"). Either way, self-talk impacts your mood, energy, and what you believe is possible.
The more often you think a thought, the more your brain believes it, and the more that thought can influence you. Practicing supportive self-talk helps train your brain to focus on what helps, not what holds you back.
Positive Self-Talk Examples
- I’m doing just fine.
- I’m figuring this out.
- I belong here.
- Mistakes are part of the process.
- We’re all a work in progress.
- The real me is enough.
- One step at a time is still moving forward.
- I matter, even when I'm struggling.
Tips for Positive Self-Talk
- Talk to yourself like you would your best friend.
- Remind yourself how you’ve handled challenges before.
- Notice when your inner critic without judging it. It's trying to help, but you can choose a more helpful thought.
- Focus on your strengths and values.
- Keep it real. You don't need to be overly positive, just hopeful and helpful.
- Make one small shift. Try: “This is hard, but I’ll give it a try.”
- Practice! Repeating supportive thoughts makes them easier to believe.
- Say it out loud or write it down. Putting it into words helps it stick.
Gratitude
Gratitude is a simple way to build on positive self-talk. It means noticing and appreciating the good things in your life, past, present, or even future hopes. Practicing gratitude can help you focus more on what’s working, not just what’s stressful. It’s also been shown to boost mood, improve sleep, strengthen relationships, and support both mental and physical health. Plus, it’s free, quick, and easy to try.
Try these easy gratitude exercises:
- Name 3 good things, big or small, that you're thankful for today.
- Jot down one thing each day that made you smile or feel good.
- Say thank you. Text a friend, thank a professor, or just pause to feel the appreciation.
- Reframe a challenge. Ask: What did I learn? or What can I be grateful for in this experience?
- Picture something you're looking forward to and feel good about it in advance.