Staying Connected While Staying Apart
One significant challenge during this time is isolation and loneliness. While staying home is an important precaution to take for our physical health, and to protect others in our community, it also has an impact on our mental health. We are mammals. Which is to say, we are herd animals. Our nervous systems evolved in concert with each other and we gain a sense of safety, ease, and relaxation from knowing that we belong with and have meaningful connections with others. This sense of safety we feel in ourselves when we are with another person is called co-regulation.
As one of our basic needs, co-regulation is the non-verbal attunement, or synching up, that occurs in our brains and bodies when we connect with other people. It is the physiological process going on underneath cognition when people interact, producing a soothing effect for all parties. Co-regulation helps us feel better-- think of a time when you hung out with a friend and afterward felt way better than before. However, the opposite can also occur -- if you attune with someone who is feeling stressed or anxious, it’s likely you will also start feeling stressed or anxious. If we are living alone, or in an environment with others who are experiencing high levels of stress, co-regulation may be difficult to find. While we can learn self-regulation skills, we are still biologically organized to be soothed by safe relationships. When feeling lonely, isolated, or activated by others in your environment, ask yourself “How can I connect right now?”
10 Tips For Staying Connected While Staying Apart
1. Call a friend.
Even if you can’t see someone in person, just hearing their voice or seeing their face on the screen will help your mirror neurons fire, thus increasing feelings of ease and safety.
2. Play with pets.
Our nervous systems love to connect with other living beings, and sometimes furry friends and family members feel safer than other humans.
3. Watch webcams of animals.
Let yourself be awed by the majesty of watching Brown Bears in Katmai National Park or dissolve tension by watching sea otters play at Monterey Bay Aquarium.
4. Go outside.
Notice the sights, sounds, smells, and textures of plants and animals in the outside world is grounding and helps us feel connected to something bigger than ourselves.
5. Take a virtual exercise, yoga, or dance class.
There are lots of online, free, or low-cost classes offered right now. Campus Recreation also has virtual offerings including on-demand full-length group fitness classes, workout programs, Outdoor Recreation tips & tricks, and more. Not only does movement release endorphins, but moving with others is a way that humans have balanced stress and built connection for thousands of years.
6. Join a free CAPS drop-in group.
CAPS offers daily drop-in meditation, a daily COVID-19 support group, and a bi-weekly support group for students of color. Know that you are not alone. Others are experiencing similar feelings and facing similar challenges, and together you can gain support and learn skills to keep going.
7. Practice mindfulness.
Practices of contemplation and inner awareness such as meditation, prayer, mindful movement, or self-compassion build our ability to feel connected to ourselves and with the collective. This builds resilience in facing challenging emotions and situations. It also strengthens our capacity to bring a stable and balanced presence if you live with other people.
8. Take a break from your phone.
While this may seem counter-intuitive when we are wanting connection, taking a break from outside input helps us re-center and notice what is going on. When we have a sense of what’s happening for us internally, we can better know what steps to take towards our own regulation.
9. Notice where you have choice.
There are lots of things right now that are out of our control, and it can be easy to feel like everything is happening to us. Notice where you have choice in your response, your actions, your thoughts and beliefs about yourself and the world. Taking action where and when you can, regulates the nervous system and empowers you to stay engaged.
10. Act in service.
Research shows that acting in solidary with others boosts mental and physical wellbeing. This is a difficult situation for everyone, and you have gifts and skills to offer others. Where can you get engaged with remote or low-contact service work? Maybe it’s phone banking for a political candidate you support, checking in on a neighbor who lives alone, or connecting with a local mutual aid group